how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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