I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
