i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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