walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
