you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
