i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
