i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he shaved USA in his pubs
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
