3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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