if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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