yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
