She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
