Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
