i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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