I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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