just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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