Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
