Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
