Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
