youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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