She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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