Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
