you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
do nipples grow back?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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