Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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