You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
