I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
