She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize