this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
