Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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