So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
