If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
