Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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