Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
