Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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