He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
