Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
