im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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