Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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