babies were throwing up all over the place
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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