Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
