During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
