I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
