I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
