your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
