Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
