I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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