on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
