i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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