My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I am one with the molecules
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
