Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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