Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
