U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
