I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
