You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
