my phone needs a breathalizer
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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