He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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