We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
