There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Randomize
