So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
