the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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