4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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