you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
