I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
