boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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