New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
