Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
What a dumb baby whore.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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