gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
