No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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