Buhtt sex?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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