Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
