ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
