i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
