I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
