Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
