Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
