Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
