you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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